Is Finding Love While Living Abroad Possible?

Feb 14

When I made the decision to move to Merida, Mexico, my mind was hyper focused on learning Spanish, saving money, my spiritual growth and relationship with God. The last thing on my mind was dating. This surprised even me because most of my adult life I’ve considered myself a hopeless romantic who would be married by 30, have kids, and yes I wanted that picket fence, too, or at least a nice, tall, wooden fence. But after a number of failed situationships and lackluster connections on dating apps, I redirected my energy to any and everything but dating.

At first I thought being in a space of feeling apathy towards dating was a problem. But then I realized it’s a very liberating place to be because I’m no longer as worried about finding love. I’m giving more attention to finding me. And now that I feel more grounded, I’ve got more bandwidth to be open to dating again.

Expat Dating

I am now officially an expat, and have been for several months. By definition, I am someone who has decided to move abroad outside of my native country for a limited amount of time. What does this mean for my dating life? For me, it means I have to be clear about my intentions in dating while I’m living abroad. If I’m just looking to have fun, who I meet and where they live doesn’t matter. But if I want a committed relationship, I need to decide if I’m OK with a more permanent move away from my hometown. Of course, none of this has to be decided on a first date, but you have to know yourself. There’s no point in wasting anyone’s time if you know you don’t want to casually date.

If you want to date while living abroad, online apps still reach overseas. There’s even specific apps for expats like Expatica that help you connect to the local online dating scene. I tried sticking with the dating apps from the United States but they don’t seem to cross the borders like I had hoped.

Dating Someone From A Different Country

What I’m about to say might seem obvious and I certainly don’t want to insult your intelligence but I’ve got to be clear here: if you live in a different country you can’t expect the culture of dating to be exactly the same. And you certainly shouldn’t expect people to look, act, or think like you. I will use myself as an example. I am a single, Black woman from the United States. I’ve first got to be open to dating someone from a different country. And even though I’ve encountered a few Afro-Latino men here, I never assume their lived experiences are anything like mine.

There is also the language barrier. I’m learning Spanish, but I’ve got a while to go. If I meet someone I really vibe with, I need to be OK with finding creative ways for us to communicate. I believe dating someone from a different country is very feasible but only when you lean into honoring the culture and life of others and not using the dating experience as something just to check off your bucket list.

Stop Obsessing Over Finding Love

Today is Valentine’s Day. Although this day could be stressful for singles or even feel lonely, this year I see it as a reminder of how much love I get year round. I choose to shift from hopeLESS to hopeFUL. I no longer wish to overanalyze about when or where love will show it’s beautiful face. Because when I stay in the present truth that love is everywhere, I don’t have to waste my time looking for it.

Yes, Love Abroad Is Possible

Now of course I can’t end this post without answering the original question. I do believe love at home, abroad, and online is possible. It certainly doesn’t always feel that way but I like to remind myself we’re not meant for everybody, but we are meant for somebody. Before moving to Merida, I found videos from Amoya Shante to be super helpful. Here’s one she shared about how she found love in Merida, Mexico.

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